PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for congress and lost.
I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find
any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly
after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in
a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer
money.
Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
I changed pollution laws for power and oil
companies and made Texas the most polluted state
in the Union.
I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government
to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
I became president after losing the popular
vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my
fathers' appointments to the Supreme Court.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I attacked and took over two countries.
I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history.
I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
In my first year in office set the all-time
record for most days on vacation by any
president in US history.
After taking the entire month of August off
for vacation, I presided over the worst
security failure in US history.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising
trips than any other president in US
history.
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
I cut unemployment benefits for more out of
work Americans than any president in US
history.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration
positions than any president
in US history.
I set the record for the least amount of press
conferences than any president since
the advent of television.
I signed more laws and executive orders amending
the constitution than any president
in US history.
I presided over the biggest energy crises in
US history and refused to intervene when
corruption was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices
in US history and refused to use the
national reserves as past presidents have.
I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
I set the all-time record for most people worldwide
to simultaneously take to the
streets to protest me (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against
any person in the history of mankind (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches).
I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in US history. (The
'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice
has a Chevron oil tanker named after
her).
I am the first president in US history to have
all 50 states of the Union
simultaneously go bankrupt.
I presided over the biggest corporate stock
market fraud of any market in any country
in the history of the world.
I am the first president in US history to order
a pre-emptive US attack and military
occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did
so against the will of the United Nations
and the world community.
I created the largest government department
bureaucracy in the history of the United
States.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual
budget spending increases, more than any
president in US history.
I am the first president in US history to have
the United Nations remove the US from
the human rights commission.
I am the first president in US history to have
the United Nations remove the US from
the elections monitoring board.
I removed more checks and balances, and have
the least amount of congressional
oversight, than any presidential administration
in US history.
I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to US
prisoners of war and by default no longer
abide by the Geneva Conv entions.
I am the first president in US history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors
(during the 2002 US elections).
I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who
is also one of my best friends,
presided over one of the largest corporate
bankruptcy frauds in world history
(Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
I am the first president to run and hide when
the US came under attack (and then lied
saying the enemy had the code to Air Force
1)
I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
I took the biggest world sympathy for the US
after 911, and in less than a year made
the US the most resented country in the world
(possibly the biggest diplomatic
failure in US and world history).
I, with a policy of 'disengagement' created
the most hostile Israeli-Palestine
relations in at least 30 years.
I am the first US president in history to have
a majority of the people of Europe
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat
to world peace and stability.
I am the first US president in history to have
the people of South Korea feel more
threatened by the US than their immediate
neighbor, North Korea.
I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I set all-time record for number of administration
appointees who violated US law by
not selling huge investments in corporations
bidding for government contracts.
I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
I failed to capture the anthrax killer who
tried to murder the leaders of our country
at the United States Capitol building. After
18 months I have no leads and zero
suspects.
In the 18 months following the 911 attacks
I have successfully prevented any public
investigation into the biggest security failure
in the history of the United States.
I removed more freedoms and civil liberties
for Americans than any other president in
US history.
In a little over two years I created the most
divided country in decades, possibly
the most divided the US has ever been since
the civil war.
I entered office with the strongest economy
in US history and in less than two years
turned every single economic category heading
straight down.
(Canadian add-on: the "freest, longest undefended
border in the world" is no more
since Bush came into power. Canadian citizens
born in several countries have to
submit to fingerprinting, etc. if visiting
the U.S.A.
Canadian citizens who originate from countries
such as Pakistan, and who are
transiting through the U.S. have been sent
back to their country of origin when they
were just returning from holidays abroad.
There are many, many horror stories of
innocent people's lives being severely damaged.)
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
I have at least one conviction for drunk driving
in Maine (Texas driving record has
been erased and is not available).
I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
I refuse to take drug tests or even answer any questions about drug use.
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas
have been spirited away to my father's
library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.
All records of any SEC investigations into
my insider trading or bankrupt companies
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public view.
All minutes of meetings for any public corporation
I served on the board are sealed
in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
Any records or minutes from meetings I (or
my VP) attended regarding public energy
policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public review.
For personal references please speak to my
daddy or uncle James Baker. (They can be
reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group
for war-profiteering.)